it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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