We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
