We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
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