this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize