Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
