I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
