Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
