Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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