i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
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I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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