put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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