So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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