why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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