with your own penis?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
