how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
