May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
