You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
