I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize