According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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