meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
