Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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