Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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