I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
