I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
