im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.