Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?