Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest