it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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