It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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