laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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