You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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