we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got inside last night via doggy door
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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