Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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