How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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