Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
