PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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