What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize