Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
