never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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