I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
