i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
