What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
She bit a glass in half.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize