I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
