i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Randomize
