bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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