I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up under a house in Key West
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