She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize