i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
