Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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