She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
