apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
