She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
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