Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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