she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
