I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
