hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
