I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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