i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
