You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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