You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
