Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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