We should be called the Road Head Warriors
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
