I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
