he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You pole danced in your parka.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
