i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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