your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
