she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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