the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
