He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
