The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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