I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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